(war)ning: i'm a small war

my soundz

made some easy listening for you dudes…

"i don’t eat or sleep as often as i should these days. i just drink and snack and lay down wrapped up like a burrito when i am home- which isn’t as often as i’d like. i spend most days shaking…no one really notices…that’s cool i guess. i try to create as a means to destroy my anxiousness. i throw myself into countless projects and go out with new people to try to experience new things so i don’t have to cope…idk…maybe i’m still waiting for you while at the same time waiting for someone new, but really waiting for me…"

sampled Prototype by Andre 3k. using NN19 & subtractor in Reasons.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com / lol vapor)

got your ambitions hanging from the ceiling.
starting to lose their meaning.
forgeeting that sweet feeling.
feels like so long ago
you were just young bones
occupied by a young soul—
but the days are getting colder
and the strain upon your shoulders
feels like boulders
getting heavy, so heavy each day.
you’d pray but forgot who to call on.
you’d sing but every song
just feels wrong.
So you light up a spliff
to free your mind
and put yourself together
one piece at a time.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

If you are the truth
then i’m a firm believer.
If you are the root
then baby i’m the seed
and i promise not to lea(f)ve you 
in the winter time.
In the spring you’ll be mines.
In summer you’ll still be fine—
but in the fall
i’ll see you through it all.
You’ll never have to call
even when you’re feeling small.
I will be there through the seasons.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)


all this love,
all this love,
all this love
i got for you
is fading
and i’ve been debating
on whether i should
continue waiting
or if i should
let this thing go.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)


we were floating through turquoise skies
when you fed me lies
and sang the same reprises
that you sing tonight-
but in your bones
is a warm home
where i’d like to reside
if you’d just swallow your pride.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

the greens so mean
that when it screams
it feels complacent. 
time gets patient. 
ticking slowly 
as the walls 
move in the basement.
the air feels heavy, 
smelling of yellow haze 
and warm gin.
sinking ito our skin. 
tasting like 
fresh committed sins.
homeboy asked, 
"is your life on drugs?"
I gave him a mug.
He laughed 
and gave my face a hug.
All we know is 
peace, tree, and hair grease.
Blow til our souls weak.
Act like you know me.
But you ain’t my homie.
(this was actually a freestyle rap, i do those sometimes.)

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

  -  17 April

the last time we spoke was in the parking lot of my apartment. we looked at my neighbors door for what seemed like hours sneaking glances at each other through every reflective surface that was there until the neighborhood feen tapped on your back window. 

we laughed for about two minutes and forty seconds (or the duration of Talamak by Toro y Moi) about the situation after you ”handled it”. 

before you leave we talked about astrology and how every lover (you & i) have ever had the pleasure of loving romanticized things like stars and pain compressing them to mere fractions of what they really are. oversimplifying them until they are just a gesture, like a swift breath on ones shoulders that travels 

down their spine and passes their ribcage as it travels back up to their mouth passing the three freckles on the left side of their chin that mock constellations.

we both had to work early. so we exchanged solemn goodbyes.

every time we part i wish i could tell you how i feel and look you straight in the eyes. but every time i see you airplanes get stuck in my throat. i just hope you could see past my smile lines.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)


it is not quite summer
but the idea
of your tan skin
next to mines
excites all 206 bones
in my nutmeg covered body
that always feels like Sunday
when doused
in a night full of
unapolegetic moments
spent with yours.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)


with you
sounds like hello
and feels like
a hug
that gently tugs
at your heartstrings
then tiptoes away sweetly
leaving lingering goodbyes
that are different
each and every time
we part.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

  -  13 April

you could be all the



and metaphors

if you please-

but be easy on me.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)


what am i to do
when every thing i love
starts with you?

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

  -  10 April
every thing
(disaster that you wish never happened, 
but it did and now you’re left 
feeling nothing and every thing at the same time)
is not fixable.
That’s okay.

(Source: lothedino.blogspot.com)

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